A Last Hoorah

This blog will fall away from the mysterious stratosphere of the internet in August. I guess this post is the final hoorah. In the 3 years since my last post life has pulled me under and held me firmly in its grasp under the water.

3.5 years ago a family roller skating activity turned into a life altering event. A careless weaving kid got his wheels stuck in my wheels and pulled my feet from under me. I caught my fall with the back of my head. Yes, that resulted in a traumatic brain injury. I have spent countless dollars on countless therapies trying to recover my normal personality/brain function/head comfort. Lots of scary set backs. Evolving symptoms even 3 years later. It owns every minute of my life. I function pretty well most days now. But, the pain in my occiput is profound. I persist in finding paths of healing.

As if that wasn’t enough, 2.5 years ago my white blood cell count dropped and my health quickly declined. Lots of things got scary and the days were killer hard. 6 months later I was privileged to face EMF poisoning. EMF = electromagnetic fields. Look it up if you don’t know. Everything you read will deny what I’m about to say. That’s ok. I guess that’s my way.

From the EMF poisoning I figured out radio towers by my house were driving the white blood cell count drop. Yikes. We quickly moved. Bought a house in 6 weeks deep in the country far from towers and right before the elections. Not much on the market, but we pulled the trigger. Within 6 weeks of moving the white blood cell count went back to normal and my health rebounded beautifully. For those of you who don’t know, the WBC drop was screaming of leukemia risk.

Sadly, that did not translate to roses and daisies. I now have a life controlling case of EMF sensitivity. This means I can’t go places with lots of cell phones without getting sick. I can’t travel long distances on interstates because of 5G towers. I can’t stay overnight in a hotel because of WiFi. Etc, etc, etc. Yes, I turn the power off to my bedroom at the breaker. Yes, we have cabled internet. Yes, we gave away our smart TVs. Yes, the Nintendo Switch has to be in a Faraday bag (look it up) for me to sleep. I could go on and on. But, I suppose you get the point.

You are probably wondering about how all the old stuff is faring these days. I am glad to report those things are faring beautifully. Turns out moving away from those EMFs healed a ton of symptoms. Only 2 real symptoms remain in the background from those days gone by. I’m deeply thankful for that relief.

Life is always a mixed bag, isn’t it? So much good and so much hard held together in the same hands. Oftentimes inextricable. I think it takes a lot of effort to celebrate the good while honoring the hard. Definitely worth the effort though to keep the heart afloat.

My business has been a beautiful ride over the last 5 years. Years full of people feeling better. Hard diagnoses reversed. Hope and full days abounding for many beautiful people I have had the privilege of knowing. Whole family systems learning new ways to take care of themselves. It has been an incredible joy. Sadly, the EMF sensitivities have put its existence at risk.

Should you ever meet another person with an EMF sensitivity or TBI, I beg you to listen to them deeply and hold their heart gingerly. Each health issue is profoundly challenging and life limiting. Each issue is invisible to society and often mocked. The tentacles of these realities are deeper and more nuanced than a thousand words could scratch the surface. I urge you to see them and believe them.

So, where does this leave me? In deep waters. After dozens of books, dozens of supplements, and dozens of therapies, I have taken good ground, but not enough to live normally. I have recovered capabilities, but not enough to live normally. I have deep knowledge, but not enough to live normally. Only enough ground, capabilities, and knowledge to see clearly how altered and broken my life is each day.

Where is God in this? Truly, I don’t know except the absolutes. He sits on His throne. He loves His children, including me. His Son is the redeemer and Holy Spirit in dwells those who believe. The magnitude of my broken feels mean. It feels unloving. It feels invisible to the One who cares. I know it’s not. The Bible says what’s true and those feelings aren’t true. But, as these days persist, the fatigue is deep and the loss mounts high.

My boys are in high school. My days with them at home are in the final parts of their childhood story. If not for those beautiful years of Covid, it would feel like all had been lost. I’m so thankful for those days. They were the greatest our family has known.

My chances of being normal in their childhood are low. I will have spent almost all of their at home years profoundly broken. It’s a hard truth to hold. Thankfully, Jesus has held them fast. They know and believe. They see deeply how good He is even when life is hard. Really hard.

They know that living for them is the greatest love I can give them… and that I am committed to that fight each day. Loving someone enough to die for them is a cop out in our house. Loving someone enough to live to the greatest capacity you have is actually the most sacrificial love of all.

And my husband has done that. Taking chances most would mock, spending hard earned money on hope of healing, believing me when everything I said sounded crazy, then faithfully walking with me each day through the limits and miseries of my very, very small life. Perfect? Hardly. Faithful? Absolutely. He always reminds me… til death do us apart. I guess he nailed that in sickness and in health part.

And so, I leave you with a broken story lived deep in the waters of life. I hope someday I can travel again (5G towers & WiFi), go to church again (AV equipment), go to a movie in the theatre (hello big electronic screen), see a beach (because they all have 5G), buy a new car (because tech), and not have to put my electric toothbrush in an EMF blocking box to sleep.

But, for now, I live in reality. I do the best I can with what I have. My resources are few and my soul is tired. Jesus is King and I yield - where else can I go? But, it’s all really, really messy.

I hope you never have a TBI (traumatic brain injury) or EHS (electro hypersensitivity). But, if you do, reach out. I know a thing or two about them. I hope eventually I’ll have it licked. Until then, I scrape through chasing every real potential possibility of healing.

Thanks for caring to read the words here all these years. It’s blessed my heart to put these words into the open world. They’ll fall away soon. It’s time.

Blessings,

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