He answered.

2 cancellations resulting in 2 weeks of waiting, not 2 months. I meet with the specialist tomorrow morning.

I followed the process for the cancellation list. He answered with His gracious hand. I know circumstances are in favor of cancellations during the holiday. I know it’s a normal part of a doctor’s office protocol. I also know He heard me and He heard you.

Thank you for praying for me.

I’ve been to this type of specialist before and was dismissed categorically. I hope tomorrow is not more of the same. A different doctor. A different group. Hopefully a different outcome.

There were tests and there were results before the holiday. More tests saying the same thing I’ve heard time and again… Perfect!

I’m so thankful things look perfect. Who wants dangerous and tragic results on tests?! However, it leaves us empty of answers.

Our hands have been empty for most of 6 years. I’m thankful for the things that have been uncovered. I’m thankful for the marked improvement in my gut and fevers.

I remain eager and weary for more answers to the remaining brokenness.

My soul is conflicted. So much to be thankful for and so much to wish for.

I’ve finally recovered from the drugs used for the tests… a normal course of events for me. They were agonizing. My kids are finally healthy after a long-lasting germ for my kids done in sequence, not concurrent. I’m starting to recover from loss of sleep and fighting their germ. Breathing room. Thank you, Jesus.

Psalm 61 says I’m hidden beneath the shadow of His wings. It’s always been a comforting visual for me and it was in today’s reading. I don’t always feel hidden beneath the shadow of His wings.

Oftentimes, I feel alone in the tundra (I hate cold). I feel hung out to dry. I feel left to fend for myself. I feel the smallness of my humanity before a God I’m not entirely sure is “for me.”

I feel fearful of Him. Not the fear that is the beginning of wisdom like Proverbs says. The fear that cowers at what His hand might do next.

Psalm 61 reminds me of what is true.

Often our feelings want us to believe what is not true… the battle has been raging big in me lately. The truth of being hidden beneath the shadow of His wings stands taller than my big feelings and fears.

2 weeks, not 2 months. He doesn’t have to do what I want Him to do… He’s not a genie in a bottle. But, I am deeply thankful He answered in a way that feels good to me, because oftentimes His choices don’t feel good to me.

He hides us. Psalm 61 says so. I don’t have to hold on. I don’t have to find the way there.

He finds me. He hides me. I rest.

May our souls rest in His supremacy, even when it doesn’t feel good. I wait for Him to move.

How has He hidden you beneath the shadow of His wings lately?

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He Answered